Live on Stage
This weekend I'm in the throes of performing a musical. For the last two months, five nights a week I have spent 3-4 hours at the Manhattan Arts Center (that’s Manhattan, KS, you know, the “Little Apple”) stepping, dancing, singing, and laughing until the show finally debuted! Last weekend we opened on Friday night, and this weekend we close after our Sunday show.
On opening night, I watched the other actors nervously scamper in the dressing rooms, touching up their hair and adjusting their costume. Almost everyone I asked that night told me they felt nervous going into our first performance. I warmly encouraged them, emphasizing that all the hours put into practice would pay off.
Yet my own nerves remained suspiciously quiet. I acted in many plays and musicals throughout high school and college, and for every single one of them, butterflies would accost me sending jitters throughout my whole body. It typically wasn’t until the second act that my nerves would settle. I figured that I would feel them just before going on stage—maybe my mind was too distracted with all of the outside details to even realize that the show was about to start.
Then the show did start, and my nerves stayed at bay. I sang and danced in the opening number, smiling wholeheartedly, loving the chance to be on the stage again performing for a live audience (I’m sure it helped that I have a gorgeous costume and I feel like a little girl playing dress-up!). My heart felt joy, and there was no anxiety or trepidation about it. The show progressed, my soul remained calm, and I didn’t experience even a touch of angst. The same happened for the shows on Saturday and Sunday.
As I took pause to think about the strange lack of nervousness, I realized a few things. The first is that I am much older (gasp!) than I was the last time I performed, and some things, like confidence, definitely improve as I age. I know who I am, and I accept myself for who I am. In high school, obtaining the approval of my peers was my top priority. This meant that if I messed up, everyone would laugh at me, and I would be shaken to the core. As a middle-aged mom of four girls, I have security in knowing myself. Even if I completely goof-up my part, my husband and kids will still love me.
The real difference, though, is that I knew God was with me on the stage. I prayed before we began, and I offered my performance for those in need. I recently learned from The Gospel of Work on Formed (highly recommend), that we should always offer up our work to the Lord. In the Gospel of Work, they suggest offering each hour up for a different intention, and I realized that even though I don’t work a traditional 9-5 job, preparing and performing a musical for the entertainment of patrons is work. So I gave it to God.
Once I was centered and knew for whom I was really performing, there was no room for nerves. If I fumbled and embarrassed myself, as long as I tried my best, I wouldn’t be letting God down. In my mind, the only one in the audience that night was God. I didn’t perform for the praise and applause of the crowd, I did it all for Him.
Because of this, I was able to perform and experience the joy that can only come from Him. As one of the older people in the cast, I was able to set this example for the younger, nervous performers. I prayed with one woman whom I knew to be Christian who was struggling with anxiety. I never hid or downplayed my faith during rehearsals, and I believe that I may be the only religion some of those people get. I even used my downtime to craft knotted rosaries (check out the YouTube tutorial here to learn for yourself), and practically every cast member at one point or another asked me what I was doing. Several people asked me about the Miraculous Medal that hangs around my neck. And everyone saw the genuine love and respect I have for all people.
I’m looking forward to my final performances this weekend. I know that God will be with me, so I have nothing to fear (or be nervous about). I’m not sure if/when it will be the right time to do another musical with the community theater, but I’m grateful for this experience at this time in my life.
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Copyright 2023 Maria Riley
Image: Canva
