An Undeserved Gift
Last November, Mama Mary gave me an amazing gift. I mean, I know my life has been rife with gifts and miracles, but sometimes, they are so obvious, I can’t help but actually recognize it in the moment.
During 2022 my husband found himself with more time at home with the family and less money going into the bank account. While his temporary break from work came with its own challenges, the blessings that abounded during that time vastly exceed the hardships. For one, my chapter book series launched that year because he learned a new industry in his free time.
Aside from all the obvious blessings of having my husband home (like all the time he spent with the kids and the daily lunch dates (at home, on a budget, of course)), I was blessed with a pilgrimage to Fatima. A fellow parishioner obediently listened to the promptings of the Holy Spirit and gifted me a trip to Portugal!
God’s plans and timing are unmatched. Traveling out of the country in 2022 conveniently synched up with my husband’s availability. Any other year his work schedule would have precluded me from traveling for a week. Yet, though his expansive availability meant the timing was great, funds were not readily available.
So Mary took care of that for me through a faithful friend. I still sit in awe when I think about the timing of God, the multitude of blessings during droughts, and the selfless generosity of my friend. Humbled though I was to accept such a gift, I couldn’t refuse the offering when she explained her own obedience to the Holy Spirit.
(As a quick aside—we all need to be better about accepting the help of others. When we accept a gift or an offer for assistance, we bless the gifter with the practice of generosity, and we also can be humbled in a God-centered way. We are reminded that he made us for relationships, and regardless of what society says, we aren’t meant to do it alone.)
I packed my passport and a few outfits, and I hopped the pond to Portugal. To say this trip was life changing would be an understatement. I have never felt so close to God in my life! Mary brought me right to the foot of the cross, as she is known to do. I felt the presence of God and even received a special gift from heaven.
The whole time I traveled as a pilgrim, I felt a deep sense of awe and appreciation. I didn’t earn my trip to Fatima. I didn’t deserve to be there. I didn’t perform a traditional transaction where I pay money and expect something in return. It had nothing to do with me being there. I was there only because of someone else’s generosity, and I didn’t forget that for a moment of the trip. Every place we visited and every Mass we attended, I prayed in humble gratitude for the amazing opportunity.
When we began our journey, our tour guide spoke to us about tourists vs. pilgrims. Tourists, they say, are concerned with schedules, sightseeing, and collecting souvenirs, while pilgrims are seeking to let the Lord transform them through their experiences. When things don’t go according to plan (which they inevitably always do), pilgrims allow God to speak to them through their experiences.
I became a pilgrim in the most sincere way. I spent a week in Portugal knowing that each moment there was an undeserved gift. Nothing interrupted my gratitude, and therefore nothing interrupted my peace.
Then I returned home. My serenity lasted a few days, but something (my kids fighting) snapped me back to reality. I lost my temper and that inner peace I had fallen in love with. I fell back into my routine, living daily with varying degrees of serenity.
Then it struck me one day, why did my days as a pilgrim end when I returned to the United States? It was so easy to live in deep gratitude on that trip, but the truth is, every day is an undeserved gift. Today, full of things not going according to plan (which they inevitably always do), I have done nothing to earn my breath, nor my family, nor the food on my table. Everything I have is given to me not because I bought it with my own worth, but because God loves me so much he spoils me every day.
So today, I’m gonna try to keep my pilgrim mentality. It’s not as easy when I’m surrounded by small people who complain and fight with each other incessantly, but I want the peace of Christ to reign in my heart. Forget the souvenirs, I’m here to let the Lord change my heart!
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Copyright 2023 Maria Riley
Image: Canva
